A postdoc, a grad student, and their professor are taking a walk outdoors during lunch when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof! Out pops a genie!

"Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison," he says, "I can grant you three wishes- one for each of you."

The postdoc thinks a moment, and then she says, "I'd like to be out sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with a crew of totally buffed-out, gorgeous guys."

"It is done," says the Genie, and Poof! the postdoc disappears.

The grad student thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest."

"It is done," says the Genie, and Poof! the grad student disappears.

The professor looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then, he tells the Genie, "I'd like those two back in lab after lunch."

1. Your salary is less than you used to pay for tuition.

2. Your potted plants stay alive.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. You have to pay your own credit card bill.

5. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.

6. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.

7. 8:00a.m. is not early.

8. You have to file for your own taxes.

9. Torn jeans and shorts aren't staples in your wardrobe.

10. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

11. You refer to college students as kids.

12. Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Friend: "How's your history paper coming?"

Student: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the internet for research, and it's been very helpful.

Friend: "Really?"

Student: "Yes! I've already located 17 people who sell history papers!"

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"