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"Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison," he says, "I can grant you three wishes- one for each of you."

The postdoc thinks a moment, and then she says, "I'd like to be out sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with a crew of totally buffed-out, gorgeous guys."

"It is done," says the Genie, and Poof! the postdoc disappears.

The grad student thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest."

"It is done," says the Genie, and Poof! the grad student disappears.

The professor looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then, he tells the Genie, "I'd like those two back in lab after lunch."]]> University - College http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080524-192956 Information Resource Network sc@informationresourcenetwork.com Sun, 25 May 2008 02:29:56 GMT http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080524-192956 http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080512-191905 No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible!

The picture of the horse is good, but where is the wagon?
The horse will draw it!

Why are you picking your nose in class?
My mother won't let me do it at home!

Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first?
I want to know how it ends!

What can we do to stop polluting our waters?
Stop taking baths?

Can't you retain anything in your head overnight?
Of course, I've had this cold in my head for two days!
]]> Elementary School http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080512-191905 Information Resource Network sc@informationresourcenetwork.com Tue, 13 May 2008 02:19:05 GMT http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080512-191905 http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080426-181030 Pupil: Hot water !

Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?
Pupil: All of them !

Why was the head teacher worried ?
Because there were so many rulers in the school !

Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !

Teacher: What is "can't" short for ?
Pupil: Can not miss.

Teacher: and what is "don't" short for
Pupil: Doughnut !

Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ?
Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !

Teacher: Why are you standing on your head ?
Pupil: I'm just turning over things in my mind, sir !

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?]]> Elementary School http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080426-181030 Information Resource Network sc@informationresourcenetwork.com Sun, 27 Apr 2008 01:10:30 GMT http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080426-181030 http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080405-212247
2. Your potted plants stay alive.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. You have to pay your own credit card bill.

5. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.

6. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.

7. 8:00a.m. is not early.

8. You have to file for your own taxes.

9. Torn jeans and shorts aren't staples in your wardrobe.

10. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

11. You refer to college students as kids.

12. Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.]]> University - College http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080405-212247 Information Resource Network sc@informationresourcenetwork.com Sun, 06 Apr 2008 02:22:47 GMT http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080405-212247 http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-165407
10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound
4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound
2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound
2 bars soap at $.83 each

"How much does that come to?" asked Larry.

"Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents."

"If I gave you three ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?" said the boy.

"Seven dollars and sixty-four cents," stated the clerk who appeared to be irritated by all the questions.

Larry said, as he disappeared through the door, "I don't want to buy the items...that's our arithmetic lesson for tomorrow, and I needed some help with it."]]> Middle School http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-165407 Information Resource Network sc@informationresourcenetwork.com Fri, 21 Mar 2008 21:54:07 GMT http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080321-165407 http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080314-025604
She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.

"Now," said the teacher, "Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?"

Again, no response except from Toshiba: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."

As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: "Lousy Japanese."

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said.]]> Elementary School http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080314-025604 Information Resource Network sc@informationresourcenetwork.com Fri, 14 Mar 2008 07:56:04 GMT http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080314-025604 http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-222712
The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."]]> University - College http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-222712 Information Resource Network sc@informationresourcenetwork.com Fri, 14 Mar 2008 03:27:12 GMT http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080313-222712 http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-221838
Student: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the internet for research, and it's been very helpful.

Friend: "Really?"

Student: "Yes! I've already located 17 people who sell history papers!"]]> University - College http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-221838 Information Resource Network sc@informationresourcenetwork.com Fri, 07 Mar 2008 04:18:38 GMT http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080306-221838 http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-221610
"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"]]> University - College http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-221610 Information Resource Network sc@informationresourcenetwork.com Tue, 04 Mar 2008 04:16:10 GMT http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080303-221610 http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080228-213627
2. If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class

3. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn

4. If you celebrate when you find a quarter

5. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over

6. If your walls are plastered with posters of half naked men or women (whichever your preference)

7. If you have built up a tolerence for beverages (he he he)

8. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself

9. If you get more sleep in class than in your room

10. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles

11. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes.]]> University - College http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080228-213627 Information Resource Network sc@informationresourcenetwork.com Fri, 29 Feb 2008 03:36:27 GMT http://schooljokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=02&entry=entry080228-213627